did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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