Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
