haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i now understand why vodka
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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