I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
