I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
