Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Come see our sink grown plant.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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