hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
