At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
