Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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