My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
