I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just want nice things and good sex
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
