Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
