WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
