He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
