were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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