I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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