she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
