I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
