and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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