Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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