So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
