shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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