I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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