He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
