1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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