Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
