I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
