Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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