obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
