just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
