If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
