the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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