2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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