a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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