We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
