1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
