i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
