a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
