Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
