where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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