Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize