grandma shit on top of the toilet
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pants are for mortals
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
