I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
