Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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