another moral hangover. fuck.
just tell him i said nine months
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
