two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And then my night got REAL pukey
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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