the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
two words...techno handjob
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
