i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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