i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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