He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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