Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
