I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
