your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
