how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
