I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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