i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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