Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
