I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
