Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
