Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
