me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
