boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
