I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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