So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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