clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
