I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I fill condoms, not promises.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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