I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
