So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
