You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
