he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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