Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
