this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
