I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
