turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He shit in the fireplace
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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