you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
