Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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