clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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