There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
